Help Me Hold On To You
by GinnyJeanWeasley
Summary: Baz and Simon have a lot of things to figure out in America. Neither is happy with their situation and certain roadblocks keep preventing them from having the time they need to grow. Set in the middle of Wayward Son. I just enjoyed their adventures so much I thought I'd give them a few more :)


**A/N:**

**So I just finished reading Wayward Son (which was amazing by the way), and was really craving more of the characters story. There may be some spoilers, especially considering this is kinda set in the middle of their journey. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Baz

In...

Out...

In...

Out...

A slight catch in his throat—a gentle snore.

I turn in my bed to face him. Snow with his eyes gently fluttered shut, mouth slightly agape, full cheeks flush from the sun, loose curls tousled about.

Crowley, I'm hopeless.

How long has it been since I slept this close to him? One of his arms was tucked under his head while the other hung off the bed, motionless. I reach out through the space between us and take his hand in mine.

My hand is so cold.

His hand is so warm.

My eyes remain on Snow. It has been so long since I have seen him happy; since he believed he had any worth—something to give. I always knew he had something to give. No matter how bad the situation, Snow would always get back up and keep fighting. He is so daft. I love him for it. And even if he didn't have something to give, I could never stop loving him. He is the sun: a wild ball of flame, heat, excitement. I am extremely flammable.

I felt like he was avoiding me, pushing me away, ever since we moved in together with Bunce. His flame died from the doubt that came flooding through him. I tried so hard to keep him lively, to pull him up, yet the more he pushed me away, the easier it was for me to not pull him back.

My eyes start to prick with hot tears. When was the last time I cried? I try to fight them off, but they begin to silently roll down my cheek, leaving tracks through the dust that covered my face. The thought of loosing him—of loosing us—had been too real for the past few months. I was sure it was coming, but the helpless and hopeful part inside of me kept denying the obvious next step. We were like a flame: we burned too bright, now we're dying. Maybe more like he burned too bright and now I'm dying.

I shuddered a gasp through my silent tears at the thought of loosing Simon. It felt like I only just got him. Years of silent admiration leading to final satisfaction. I'm not ready for it to end. I don't think I ever will be.

I have to let go of his hand as I cover my mouth to muffle a sob.

* * *

Simon

The sob woke me. I opened my eyes to the noise, expecting it to be Penny. She had been having a hard time since we got to America, but I thought she was done with crying. However, to my surprise, I saw Baz: lying on his back, hands over his mouth, shaking as tears rolled down his face.

This is my fault...

I did this to him...

Why am I putting off what I know will be best for us?

... it won't be best for me. Baz is the best thing that ever happened to me... I don't want us to be over. I didn't want to hurt him, either. I just need to build up the courage to say something.

I don't move to go to him. He wouldn't want me right now. It breaks my heart seeing him like this. Have I ever seen him cry before? He looks like a painting for a moment, so beautiful and sad. The only thing that disrupts that image of mine is his violent shudders. I can't look at him like this despite his beauty. I don't think I've ever seen him cry before. He lets out another sob—this one is louder. More raw. I scrunch my eyes closed. I can't bear this. I hear rustling from the couch. Penny is awake to help. Thank god.

* * *

Penelope

The sound of the sob woke me up. It broke my heart. Who was crying? I wouldn't be surprised if it was the Normal. I sat up on the couch and looked across the room. The Normal was passed out on the floor. Simon was sleeping, though uneasily, wasn't crying. It was Baz.

Wait... why is Baz crying?

I stood up and walked to his bed and placed my hand on his shoulder. He got visibly more upset at me seeing him in such a weak state.

"Let's step outside," I whisper. He nods, gasps unevenly a couple of times before sitting up and walking with me outside of the motel. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You clearly need to."

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know?" he said calming himself down more, "or is Micah a special case and only Bunce is allowed to keep secrets?"

I stiffen. "Come on, Baz. This clearly has something to do with Simon."

"What if it doesn't?" he is more mad than sad at this point, "and even if it was, what makes that any different? In fact, it makes it more similar to your situation."

"Well, for one, it's definitely about Simon. It always is. And, two, Simon is my friend. I should know what's going on."

"Why do you act like being Simon's boyfriend is my only personality trait?" I wasn't expecting the anger in his voice, "And you're his friend. If he wants to tell you about his life, he can. That's not my job. I'm not his mother."

I stand quiet for a minute, not knowing what to say.

"I'm going for a walk, Bunce. Maybe you should learn to think of others as people too, not just other things existing in your universe."

I'm floored.


End file.
